My conversion came late one night as I ran tests in a radio lab. Chasing issues caused by a faulty LNA, I entered the anechoic chamber while my radio transmitting to take some power measurements. The transmit power was low enough to be perfectly safe, but as I entered that hallowed space something felt a presence, something energizing and euphoric. Something drew me before the main beam of my radio. As I stood there basking in the pure clean RF energy I felt what can only be described as the voice of the god of Comms.
The voice of comms was more than just sound, rather it was as though I could see, hear, feel, and taste the entirety of the RF spectrum. Within the voice, I could sense the infinite potential of comms. What I had once dismissed as noise was in fact permutation upon permutation of modulations, channel coding, and messages all weaving their way though an expanse of fading channels, circuits, filters, and waveguides. It was a moment of beauty and a moment of clarity.
In that moment I realized my new mandate: to lead my brothers and sisters out of the bondage convenient communications. We as a people have lost our way amongst the ease of WiFi and cellular networks, accepting the gifts of the god of Comms without understanding or appreciating the beauty and complexity of these gifts. Through this pulpit I hope to help you understand the glory of the god of Comms and to respect the many blessings she has bestowed upon us.
June 11th 2020: The Church of Comms categorically denies
charges that the current COVID-19 pandemic is in any way related to, or caused
by 5G signals.
Like fire from Prometheus, 5G is a gift from a loving deity.
Also like Prometheus' fire, the power of 5G comms has the potential to both
corrupt and better the lot of mankind.
The risk of 5G is that of the soul, not of the body.
To misunderstand this is to misunderstand the ways of the god of Comms.
Remember that our mandate as receivers of the message is to seek the signal
amongst the noise: to find truth amongst the cacophony of falsehoods.
Listen well brothers and sisters.
FIN-ACK
June 6th 2020: The Council of Rome, NY has decreed that
sermons need no longer be broadcast only in ecclesiastical Morse code.
Preachers are encouraged to explore new mediums for comms, including the variety
of digital formats and messages.
Please be wary that EBCDIC is
still considered heresy.
FIN-ACK